Sex, Politics, and Gainful Employment

I got my first hate message this past week and according to my best friend, that’s how I know I am making it! I’m sure this will not be the first time I receive such a message, but I would like to post it here with her information removed and break down some of her statements. (Despite being very shocked at her inability to form coherent sentences as someone who claims they are a writer in their bio).

Firstly, I would like to address sexual harassment and sexual assault being considered political. The United States has a plethora of laws designed to prevent discrimination or harassment based on a number of factors, sex among them. The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) is headquartered in Washington, D.C. and has 53 field offices spread throughout the nation; most employers with over 15 employees are covered by EEOC laws. The United States also has a plethora of laws that address sexual assault cases. From this view point, you can consider sexual harassment and sexual assault political since there are laws that need to be voted on in order to be implemented. Is there a party or a political party or special interest group that wouldn’t want to implement legal actions to protect against discrimination? Sadly, politicians on both sides of the aisle have been found guilty of sexual harassment and not voting in favor of proposed bills providing protections against victims of sexual harassment and sexual assault.

Does the political nature of this issue mean that it cannot be discussed? Is it wrong to speak about political issues that personally affect you? Is it inappropriate to advocate for or against a bill and make your opinions known outside of a conversation between you and your representative? Of course not; the human rights of freedom of speech, assembly, and the press are protected by the first amendment specifically because such rights are integral to a well-functioning government. The Founding Fathers did not quietly and individually complain to their colonial governors. Despite this long history of speaking out about so-called “political” issues, some still maintain that publicly discussing anything remotely having to do with politics is inappropriate!

If speaking about my personal boundaries in regards to sexual harassment is “ALMOST like showing porn to a bunch of teenagers or kids”, I either have non-existent boundaries, no voice at all, or we have a misunderstanding of what is pornography. If 26-year-old Mia spoke to 13-year old Mia about personal experiences of sexual harassment in the workplace, to include her glasses being called sexy by a supervisor who consistently did not respect personal space and spoke so close to her face you could feel his breath against her cheek, 13-year-old Mia would probably respond “that sucks, but remember when boys from school threw a filled condom at you downtown in plain sight while you were walking down the street?” Yeah, well, 13-year-old Mia, and probably almost all girls of a young age, can handle hearing stories about sexual harassment because they are already dealing with being overly sexualized at a young age.

In regards to employment, you are right, people may not want to hire me because I am unafraid to speak out about sexual harassment in the workplace. But you know what, why would I want to work for a company that is afraid of a “whistle blower”? A previous boss of mine had 18 founded EEO complaints filed against him (yes, you read that correctly, founded) and still kept his management position and well above 6-figure salary. You know who didn’t become a great person to work for even after these investigations? That guy. Do you know what organization was extremely inefficient at dealing with ineffective workers and human resource complaints? That company. Can you guess who hated working there and got out as soon as possible? Myself and almost every other female that had filed a complaint against him before me.

The idea of being embarrassed about being a victim is a huge fault that exists within a large portion of our country’s culture. It is more shameful to be a victim of someone than to be the perpetrator themselves. Monica Lewinsky’s name is mocked by being used as a verb in songs to refer to getting semen on your clothes whereas Bill Clinton has racked up multiple sexual harassment and abuse claims by many different women and his incident with Monica Lewinsky is only a footnote in his biography. Other nations in the world do not stop families from committing “honor killings” of women of the family, many of whom are victims of sexual assault. To attempt to silence those who speak out about injustices such as these is not only ignorant of the rights and privileges that previous generations fought for, it is shameful.

Finally, “keep your personal sex life out of Twitter”. If sexual experiences are forced upon the victim, do those experiences now become their sex life? If someone is raped and prior to the event they never had sex, are they allowed to say they are a virgin? If someone is walking down the street, and gets hit by a car, does the pedestrian have to disclose the accident to their vehicle insurance? If these questions sound ludicrous to you, it is because they are! Sexual assault is not part of someone’s sex life, the same as, a pedestrian getting hit by a car is not part of someone’s driving record. Honestly, I don’t know how much deeper to go into that point rather than just suggest to pick up a book and read it. Here are some recommendations:

1) In Praise of Difficult Women: Life Lessons From 29 Heroines Who Dared to Break the Rules – by Karen Karbo

2) Men Explain Things to Me – Rebecca Solnit

3) What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape – Sohaila Abdulali

4) Not That Bad – Roxane Gay

5) My memoir when it is finished.