Accomplishing Marriage — Mia Leigh Renna

I grew up in New Jersey and went to South Carolina for my undergraduate degree. Of course, you hear that the culture down there is different from up North, but I thought my experience would be relatively the same except people talked with funny accents and everyone actually seemed to care about the football team. Except, I learned from my time there that many girls went to school in the south to specifically find a husband. The majority of these women that I met, weren’t ashamed of this goal, and self-declared themselves as going for an MRS degree (MRS standing for the title Mrs., very clever).

Susan Patton is an alumnus from Princeton University and she has profited off of her ideas of needing to try and find your husband while in college so you can be more successful. Meaning, just because you are intelligent enough to graduate from an ivy league, you will be a failure if you don’t ever marry and have children! So, if you are reading this and you are still in your early twenties; make sure between studying for exams, applying for jobs, and working part-time; you spend time seducing a man with the highest likelihood of financial prosperity in the future.

“[A] woman will become progressively more desperate every year she waits to find a husband, which ‘has the effect of giving off man-repellent.’”

— Susan Patton

I had a friend who was dumped less than a year from graduation: she panicked not knowing what she was going to do because she wasn’t expecting to be looking for a job. I would like to say this was an individual case, but it wasn’t. This situation in particular, however, involved a monthly “divorce date” circled on her calendar where she would cry and cry about how her break up was almost like a divorce.

Now, I also knew people who were successful at obtaining their MRS degrees. We’ve all seen posts on Facebook and Instagram of this girl and this boy getting engaged and then officially married. CONGRATULATIONS!!! (Insert a ton of emojis here that signal excitement/celebration). When you see these posts, do you like them and keep scrolling? What if you didn’t know one member of the couple at all, would you still congratulate them on their coupling? How about if you did know them both, but you knew one of them was a horrible human being? Make that, an abusive partner. How many emojis would you use with your comment?

It is difficult watching a toxic relationship in such close proximity and not be able to do anything about it. Of course, it is very difficult for women to leave abusive relationships, but it just seems like a ring is symbolic of the final nail in the coffin. In one situation, a man I knew would tell his girlfriend “she was a fucking idiot” on a regular basis, threaten to kill himself if she left him alone to hang out with her friends, blame his issues on factors he can not control and say it is never his fault. But, when their engagement announcement was made, along with their marriage, people who knew what was going on behind closed doors still proclaimed their excitement at the new relationship status on social media. Is the accomplishment of marriage something that overshadows an abusive dating relationship? Do people believe that once they are married, no one will be abused anymore? Also, is social media encouraging her decision to stay with him? She must see that people who know what she deals with on a daily basis who are proclaiming they are so happy for her marriage; does she feel validated in staying?

Another couple I know that were meant for each other in being horrible human beings began dating while one was still in another relationship, and eventually ended it in order to appease the other person. A few weeks into this relationship, he attempted to sexually assault a gay man in my apartment. The act, he admitted to, he blamed on ongoing anger management issues and an alcohol problem despite not apologizing to his victim and refusing to take action towards receiving professional help towards his self-proclaimed anger management and alcohol abuse issues. She took the action as her not being able to sexually satisfy him the way he needed it, and that the gay man must love the attention he was getting from this. When they announced their engagement, along with people commenting congratulations, an old fraternity brother commented “I thought you liked dudes?” As if it was the homosexuality portion of his actions that was the problem, and how homosexuality alone is something to be mocked. Multiple people who claim to be friends with the victim of this assault congratulated the couple and laughed along with the comment made.

I am now 27 and there were times I thought I would be married by now, and there have been times where I am not even sure if it’s ever going to happen. I realize after seeing these horrible toxic relationships be put on a pedestal because the word marriage became involved, the concept of marriage isn’t what I grew up believing it to be. Additionally, I have known multiple people who were married and divorced before the age of 25, saying “I’m happy it ended before kids were involved.” Which is right, I’m glad you got out of something that was making you unhappy, but I hope there wasn’t external marital pressures that forced you to make that decision as early as you did. I witnessed first-hand that the military has a huge culture of marrying young and quickly because of the financial incentives, relationship security, and housing priorities it provides. Is social media becoming an additional external pressure to encourage marriage?

I am 27, I am single, and the only man I need in my life is my soul mate, Chad. I have enough money to buy my own ring, and enough friends to throw my own expensive party.